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went to Kuali for their international buffet to celebrate mom's birthday. boy, the food was great. the sauted potatoes were the best i've ever tasted!!! the sensuous taste of smooth potato in their skins and the lingering smell of black pepper... all of the flavours finely balanced and none too overwhelming. heavenly. of course, the raw salmon was great too. so was the cheese platter. just trying to get through the starters was trying enough. the desserts were truly mind boggling. fresh fruits and dark/white chocolate fondue, tiramisu, puddings in delectable flavours, apple crumble, cakes in every imaginable flavour, durian puff... everything i've been abstaining from for the past few weeks. i don't even want to go into detail about the main courses they had. we were stuck there for at least 2.5 hours eating. woo!!~~at least i'm out of that 'exclusive running club' i've been stuck in for the past few weeks. but i'm like, failing NAPFA.
i've been really busy these few weeks. Busy preparing for my piano exam, busy preparing for concert, busy trying to resolve this big problem that this irresponsible girl just threw to be 3 weeks before the concert with no valid reason( FYI, the school has verified that her ‘reason’ is absolutely unacceptable), busy trying to practice with my section, preparing my tutees for their exams, doing my own homework and studying, most of all busy getting worked up over this asshole (I’m very sorry if you are reading this, but this is honestly how I feel right now.) in co whom i've decided is not worth it anymore. why should i waste my time on a 'friend' who isn't even one in the first place. sure, we're classmates and all that, but i'm really sick and tired of such a friendship. no, its not a mood swing, its not black face week, its final. the bottomline is, we just can't get along. its just a clash of personalities. i expect a friend to be responsive to caring and care for me too. it seems like everyone but this particular person can do it. He’s always saying, I’m just like that. But he’s wrong. No one is just like that. You choose how you want to be like. Look at the way he treats others, I really think he’s not worth my time trying to make a friendship that is so heavily lopsided work. But he’s just been evading the problem. If you are reading this, I write with no malice. I’ve tried getting to you and you know it. With all due respect, I think I’ve given my best shot. But its just not working, and I’m really frustrated. I’ve tried long and hard enough. Its time to let things go. As far as I’m concerned, we may be co mates, classmates, occasionally even the sharing thoughts kind of acquaintance, but that’s it. I’m not opening up anymore, because I’m just so tired. You need to let me know that you actually treat me like a friend, if you are pissed, say it, if you are happy, smile, if you are down, try sharing it, or putting up a smile just so your friends feel reassured. Do you actually think that its easy for me to be smiling in school all the time, be self depreciating, make jokes, laugh even at myself? But I’ll do anything just to see that people around me are happy. Because my joy comes from them. Lately, I’ve increasingly not felt so when you’re around, maybe because my heart has given up. Goodbye. Maybe one day, things will change. But for now, I’m not going to torture myself anymore. I’m setting myself free.
Sigh. Can anyone invent something that can allow me to access my scores at any piano, without having to use electricity? I want to play whenever I can, but I can’t possibly memorise all of my scores!!! There’s just too much!!! I love my piano and my piano lessons. It’s the only thing that’s keeping my from falling apart now.
posted by sarangaia || 5:36 AM Sunday, April 16, 2006
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