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of undercurrents |
its about time i spoke of this too, ain't it? seems like every blog i go to, the word UNDERCURRENTS pop up more often than i like. when did it all begin? i can only say i started feeling it after the hols.
but that's the whole point. i feel it, but i don't really think i'm very involved in the whole thing. yup, and i have absoulutely no desire whatsoever to be mixed up in this whole messed up thing, because i am really afraid of that feeling coming back to me all over again. they say once bitten, twice shy. i've been bitten more than thrice. i don't want to venture out there again.
things look very wrong to me. because such things happen on such a regular basis to me, i can't say i feel any different. of course, i'm not indifferent to things. but people must understand that these things happen. i sort of know what is happening, but i don't really know what is hapenning too. maybe i'm really out of this. i feel i should shut my big mouth (in this case stop my typing hands) and pretend this isn't in my life, it isn't affecting me. because it is, small or big the impact may be.
what happened? how did the whole situation become so screwed that people stop talking, people start feeling hurt, people keep talking about it? or was i so dumb that i thought everything was fine and rosy when it was not?
i can't say who's right and who's not, who's the winner and who loses. things simply don't work this way. time has mercilessly told me that in times of such conflict, ALL parties will end up hurt, one way or another, if things don't get resolved soon. then again, time has also comforted me that no matter how bad the situation is, things will pass.
i love everyone in the class. there's huiying and richie of course, but there are also people like quirky namz, intellectual jess, say-what's-on-my-mind honest mabel, responsible k, quiet huiping, cute cheryl, huh? kelsonn, i-puntuate-all-my-sentences-with-a-cheeky-grin arrifin, pretty mel, mr-nice-RICH-guy jz, funny kong, my-good-econs-group-member germs...the list goes on. so many people who are nice and fun.
then why is it that i feel the atmosphere in class is anything but nice, cosy, friendly?
or is it that i'm thinking too much?
posted by sarangaia || 10:41 PM Saturday, July 30, 2005
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rain |
just bought rain's cd to reward myself. its been a tough week and i pulled through! i've passed everything as of now, although its a lousy ABDD, then again, they're all passes. the week's been simply crazy. i never did manage to get home before 7, together with teaching... madness.
listened to his cd a grand total of 2 times, and i think i'm going to listen to it a third time later if i finish some of my homework. his actual korean name is Bi, which means rain in korean. now for some analysis.
rain doesn't exactly have the kind of voice i usually go for. his voice is kind of gruff and macho, and it reminds me of park yong ha. i'd call his voice an aquired taste, you have to accustom yourself to the sound. his album has this constant strong rythmn, and there were a couple of tracks that made me cry the first time round. like I(nan) and but i love you, but even those had a very strong rythmn that you can't help but to move to. don't ask me how i can cry when the lyrics are in korean and i've heard the song only once. i can pick out a scattering of phrases and the song was nice. :)
the whole point is that he goes for this R&B+hiphop+groovy genre that i don't really listen to much. his album has a very strong beat, even for his slow songs and there's much emphasis on percussion. its a good one to move and dance to, sort of a dancefloor album. the second time i got to listening it, the more i liked his songs. "Slick, pulsating and infectious to a fault" is the most apt description i've heard so far. i really recommend it.
began reviewing all my cds. of course, the albums i like best are Wheesung and seven's. R&B galore, but a bit milder. wheesung has this mature sound that really appeals to me because its so close to my personality, and i'm dying to order his 1st and 3rd albums through the net end of this year. he's great when i have to do some serious thinking(yea homework too), reflection or just to chill. seven sounds like a clearer, younger, funkier version of wheesung, and i blast him to feel happier and to do work. they do quite a lot of collaborating, i realised. wahaha.
when i'm in the mainstream mood, i spin BoA. for something more alternative, i suggest you go for lena park. if all these are alien and driving you to sleep, i would play park yong ha, his album is slow, sad and a bit sleep inducing by the time you get to his 8th track. but the song he did for All In was really good. maybe i'd play sung si kyung if you're just feelin' lazy on a nice sleepy afternoon.
now? i'm rain-ing.
posted by sarangaia || 3:11 AM Sunday, July 24, 2005
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beginning |
this marks the start of a display of professionalism. meaning that i will tone down the presence of my emotional world in my interaction with others.
this marks the start of being the earliest(i hope nothing will crop up often) to arrive and the latest to leave. of course, paperwork galore too.
looking forward to it especially after today. we are a relatively small team...but somehow it feels nice.
i hope i can do this well.
to xian yue... i know, i've been reading your blogs and most of you are quite down because of the practices. cheer up! we will prove him wrong TOGETHER. xian yue rocks, in and out of co!!
posted by sarangaia || 8:21 AM Tuesday, July 19, 2005
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how did things turn out this way? |
what happened? but i'm going to give it my best shot.
cheer up, xian yue!
posted by sarangaia || 1:03 AM
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london |
they won. THEY WON!! oh my gosh, i can't believe this. if this were as usual, i would be euphoric. but then again, there was paris and new york. i wanted paris to win.
how should i put it? i guess its the charm of paris. it'd add a touch to the olympics i believe other cities are unable to. i can't put a finger on it. new york... if they'd won, i'd say it'd show an amazing resilence. london... i was a tad disappointed but still... in light of recent events, i hope they do great for the 2012 games.
saw taufik on saturday during the supposed payco concert. i guess miss teng weiling is still not washing her hands. hahaha.. she didn't want to (neither did qiling) get out of her house at first. after my persuasion and the shaking hands incident, i guess all of us had fun. it was really a great night out.
current status, two confirmed Ds for econs(2 away from C!!) and geog (1 away form C!!!)(quite surprising considering that i didn't do the online test which was 10% of the whole thing). i suppose i got an A for my CLA if nothing goes wrong and they calculate the marks in the usual way. what damned shitty results. then again, compared to the number of Ds, Es, Fs and Os people around me are getting, i shouldn't complain. at least if this was the promos, i can be promoted already. but it boils down to the fact that this is not the promos. and its not entirely surprising that i got such ratty results cos i didn't study and was playing through my hols. i deserve the disgusting results. hopefully this will spur me to start mugging for real. probably not. i really can't concentrate on my books.. there's just so much more other things that i can do. well. spoken like a true slacker. if only i'll at least pass lit with a B.
lets hope so.
posted by sarangaia || 6:41 AM Wednesday, July 06, 2005
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confusion |
i wanted to write about yesterday. but i guess its safer to keep it to myself and tell only that few people. i don't know why i was so bothered and distracted just by the mere sight of him walking out of the studio... but it wasn't all unpleasant. just that i was hit by a wave of memories, and it led to misunderstandings that made me so sad, i wanted to cry. my piano teacher!! how can he say the things he did? i was just distracted by an old aquaintance! he should know better than anyone else that piano, co, music is my life. i just... i'm just so pressured. i don't want to make a choice. why can't i keep both my piano and erhu? why does he keep doing this? i have to stop doing this to my piano. water, especially tears, will spoil the keys. but i can't stop it from flowing whenever i play, the words reverberating in my head. maybe if i were more like my sister, with that to hell with everything attitude, he might not have such high expectations. i'm buckling under the pressure. i'm not sure anymore who the lessons are for. me, or him? i hate the things i play now. it sounds... too sorrowful, angsty and at the same time angry. what's happening to me?
i guess this is not as bad as the situation in class. i don't know what happened during the holidays but i'm not blind. something's happened and i saw an acutely sad figure today. i felt so bad, because i'm not particularly close to this person and i don't know what i can do. what's wrong with the world? first the piano thing, then the situation in the class turns wierd, and somebody's been stealing from my piggy bank, and my savings for my year end spree is almost ALL GONE. gosh. i feel like bashing whoever messed up my life. i don't know, maybe the class thingy is not as bad as it seems. but i hate seeing people look less than happy. whatever it is, we're still going to spend our jc life together. hopefully tmr will be better, everything will turn back to normal.
hell, who am i trying to convince? i don't even buy it myself.
is it me, or is my life really going awry?
posted by sarangaia || 6:03 AM Tuesday, July 05, 2005
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