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dream |
things are often coincidental. a few years ago i wouldnt have thought this was even possible, given that i was a stuttering, shaky little girl who broke out into cold sweat even when it was only my fingers which did all the talking. so much has happened since then, and of course there was the history (or lack of history for that matter) with T, which resulted in my present philosophy of life - never take risks, because they just culiminate into hurt at the end of it all. ok, i'm starting to sound like a riddle. that comes with not wanting to name people. haha.
the whole point of this is that i dreamt of this person from really long ago. this someone really made my life quite colourful and fun back then. i remember the days like as if it was yesterday, much more clearly than my craziness with T, which is just a big blur to me now (even though i'd tried so hard to remember every moment. i guess the more you try to make yourself remember, the more you forget). this person runs in a completely different circle from me now, but things have this incredible way of creeping up to me that never fails to amaze me everytime. waking up from my dream, i shrugged it off until my dear lead character in my dream decided that it was a good time to contact me there and then, in the virtual world of reality (yes, i love word games. go figure). amazingly coincidental. and amazingly great. i'd forgotten how easy it was to laugh without burden, how endearing it is to have a person who remembers everything you did so clearly, to have a person who remembers you fondly and misses you sometimes in the course of the different lifes that we now lead, to have a person who knows exactly what to say at the right time, to have a person who knows me, the real me from the beginning and not the me i hide under my numerous politically correct masks to survive in the cutthroat world of complicated adolescent relationships. sure, this person might have had a fair share of quarrels with me, but it was really all in the name of fun. things were so much simpler then, so uncomplicated. two minutes after quarrelling, everything was well again and we were the best of friends again, tearing off after each other screaming in delight. and i realised something. i've lost the innocence of youth. i've become tainted and soiled by age, become part of the society that retains none of the purity of youth. but redemption exists. in lasting friendships, in friends who never forget you and your strengths.
i'm glad that this someone decided to appear at this moment, and made me smile, laugh as i used to.
有人哄的感觉真好。고마워 진구야. 사랑해!
posted by sarangaia || 8:14 AM Wednesday, November 28, 2007
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technically speaking my obligations ended when the last lesson was over. but once you plunge into it, you can never get out of it without worrying and thinking about your students. so the results were out, and i got calls the very next moment from my excited kids. there i was happily attending my favourite philo lessons, and there they were frantically trying to call me to tell me about their results. it was quite hilarious. well, at least they were all happy with their results, and managed to improve on their scores. teaching them was really so tiring in the end. i remember getting all panicky for 6 days out of my seven days in a week, because i was so tired of teaching, so emotionally and physically drained from lessons, so depressed when they were stagnating and not making any imorevements. whenever my doorbell rang i'd frown and curse under my breath, dreading the minute i'd have to start explaining things to them.
looking back, i was so drained, sapped of energy, just so exhausted that i was in danger of snapping and losing it anytime. i had so much work to do, so many things i wanted to complete, so many friends i wanted to go out with, but i was bound by duty to them, i couldnt just bail on them like that. it was quite ridiculous seeing that i was teaching more more than four kids before, and was only doing three kids last year and this. i just lost the spark for teaching, lost that drive, lost that spark that i had in the beginning. teaching just wreaked havoc on my entire schedule and my emotions. i really admire school teachers, it really not easy to teach, much less have to cope with all that crappy admin work, cca, events that comes with the whole package.
things are much better now that i only have a 5 year old kid to tend to on sundays now. and i want to keep things that way. i need a much needed break, a refresher.
here's to all teachers.
posted by sarangaia || 7:13 AM Saturday, November 24, 2007
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presents |
ahhh... retail therapy never ceases to amaze me with its power. spent almost a whole day shopping with oppa, to which katie joined for a while. as usual, me and oppa were late, but somehow managed to miraculously arrive at the same time. oppa was really mean, i was wearing my new shiny flats (see...oppa had the sense to take a photo of them) .jpg) and he was so shocked when i walked up to him. in fact, he DIDNT even realise i'd already walked up to him until i opened my mouth. to which he unceremoniously blurted out REALLY LOUDLY "what happened to you??? usually you are up to my nose level. today i cant even see you, you at at my nose level!!!" how nice of him to brag about his height. argh. to which we decided that we would settle all the presents the same day before we have to grapple with the issue of christmas presents. so we started looking for a pair of shades and a nice shirt for him and a nice fragrance and some other present for me. first stop: river island (duh). and katie made her grand arrival, and that was the cue for us to head for brunch. yumm.
i had my favourite bibimbap of course(oh, its been so long. made me miss my days at NYK sooo much), but the nice ajumma wasnt there though, sadly. after that me and oppa decided to really head over and give ourselves a treat at ben and jerry's (well, b&j out of a tub just isnt the same). on the way we passed bossini and were offered some birthday muffins  by the forlorn looking staff. who can reject a sad face? so we took them and began posing:P.jpg)
katie took a peppermint chocolate cone.jpg) , whereas i split a cookie cookie sundae with oppa. he chose mango sorbet with m&ns and hot fugde..jpg) yummy!!! of course we got bored after awhile and started taking a whole bunch of photos. oh, and oppa bought the cuteee lip balm in a miniature b&j ice cream tub (erhm, with MY last remaining 10 bucks). there were just too shots we took to post, so i decided to put everything up on fb. katie decided to go home and start on her drawing homework after that, so it was oppa and me again. so we walked around in accordance with usual practice and started trying on everything nice. tried on a top at espirit and boy, did we like the top..jpg) well, i liked it so much that oppa eventually decided to buy it for me as part of my present. and we shopped all the way until 7plus, where i gave oppa a nice shirt from river island, whereas i went home happily with the scent that we picked out (Lanvin!), my espirit top and the LBB (that he already bought beforehand), and all the tabs oppa picked up (thank you oppa!!!!!).
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retail therapy rocks!! especially when someone else is participating in it with you:)
posted by sarangaia || 5:51 AM Wednesday, November 14, 2007
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treat by oppa |
so i finally have time to sit down and recount saturday night. well, it was quite a night of unexpected revelations, especially since i was so enlightened just a week ago. i suppose coincidences are a way of life that we should come to expect.
the schedule was actually pretty packed considering i had a term essay and the mind boggling blog comments due(which i of course, finished only today morning, being the procrastinator i am) and i was supposed to do some reading. of course there was co practice, which i reluctantly shuffled to, expecting a small turnout and instead, to my utmost horror, EVERYONE turned up, including all the seniors i havent seen for eons. talk about a gathering of sorts. practice was horrendously insane as usual, with mr lum up to his usual torture schemes of making us sight read pieces and then running through them like a speeding express train. and my dear companion kahhoe apparently booked out in the morning just to have to rush to book back in at 10pm for duty. the only logical solution to this was to have me skip half of practice. which i did, absolutely willingly. the only little problem was then the clothes part. i couldnt exactly step into a nice restaurant in my usual practice wear of a casual skirt and tank top, so i had to go to practice alldolledup, makeup, dress and all. which made me stick out like a sore thumb during practice, and people kept coming up to me and asking what the occasion was. DUH, i'm stark raving mad and thought practice was actually a gala dinner in disguise. maybe i'm just oversensitive, but i loathe it when people start the twenty questions thing. its just rather irksome.
so off we went to modesto's for my belated birthday treat, to which a whopping $74.15 was spent on only 5 items - two drinks, two main courses and a tiramisu. with foccacia on the house. talk about money sucking. oh well, the upside was that the food was good, the ambience was excellent, the wait staff was patient, efficient and nice AND i didnt have to pay a single cent for everything. he picked up the hefty tab, which i have yet to express my thanks for. well, i guess i can always use brain waves and hope it gets across. haha. as usual there was a lot of talking going on, which interestingly led to many revelations that i never thought i would get to hear.
at the very core, people are more alike than they think they are. there's always a void deep down, which makes it pretty commonsensical to fill that void up with a relationship. friendship and kinship just dont count in this case, maybe because we are all humans and humans tend to compartmentalise things. we are not much different. i used to think maybe some people were not as affected as some others, but with that confession today, i guess we cant say that can we? even the almightly poser (okok, i know, you are not a poser, but you act like you cant be bothered enough..) wants an exclusive arm other than mom's to cuddle into when he feels down. and who's to laugh at this? its just human, the barest and rawest emotions that anyone would feel. its just that i never thought we would someday broach the entire sensitive topic. its just too personal, too raw, too painful to start talking about with your good friend of the opposite gender.
and that's exactly why sometimes its so easy to misunderstand, especially when emotions are fragile and fluctuate. but things are happy and stable now, and they will, i believe, just maintain this way for a long time to come. now i really do believe in it. five years has taught me a lot about how to handle things, and it should be the same vice versa. there used to be quite a lot of friction, especially since age was a big factor and i just couldn't understand a lot of things. i couldnt get why i wanted to know everything, why i was so insecure, why i just could get over some small things that happened. but as you grow, alot of things become less important. i dont need to know everything because that would just tense things up and create more secrets. nobody can be thinking about his/her friend 24hours a day, so why be insecure? its the small things that really count, so why be insecure? living in the world, who doesnt experience friction, abrasions and little episodes that make people unhappy? live and let live, thats what allows for people to live each day to the fullest. it doesnt mean that things dont make me feel exasperated or rotten sometimes, but at the very least, ican deal with things that come along the way without hurting myself or anyone else.
here's to friendship. platonic relationships. kinship.
oh, and oppa, i was too shocked to react, and even though i think you told a big lie saying it, thanks for the compliment. its nice to know that you think so highly of my intellect.
posted by sarangaia || 3:29 AM Monday, November 05, 2007
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