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so much for the last mentioned as a two faced liar. i was so wrong about it being the worst. this just tops the list.
there are two categories of people. one, the honest direct kind whose life ends up being sabotaged. two, the scheming indirect one who ends up sabotaging others.
should have seen it coming. should have trusted the first instinct. should have learnt from history. but no, the heart clings on the illusion that they are the same. well, i'm really glad i've gotten the shock that i've had. angry waters coursing. no no, not for such a person. for myself and for having finally woken up to the fact that he is gone from my life, and i'll have to cope with it with no substitutions, no illusions. for venting out that last bit of nostalgia which is now reserved only for the key to a delirious past, not mixed up with the people of my present reality.
because you know what? they are not the same. looks are decieving. under his exterior, so much like the one of the past, is a cold, scheming jackass who cares for no one. unless it benefits him. cowering in the thought that there are better, nicer in the world. basking in the joy of having achieved 'glory'. 'glory'. ha!
i have only hatred left. bitterness doubled by that fact that despite myself, i've fallen for the entire ploy, only because of a weak link to a fragile and vunerable past. and that's the way i want it. no emotions, no feelings. nothing to mar what i'll do next. and i know i'll remember this forever. because i'm not the forgetting sort. i forgive, but i will never forget. never.
its time to create the third category. the direct one who is honest only to people who are worth it, and will retaliate scheming with sabotage, eye for eye.
i've had the only thing i hold close to my heart taken from me. this is payback time. make my life miserable and i will not back down. you've messed with the wrong girl.


posted by sarangaia || 9:53 PM Sunday, April 30, 2006

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