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exhuasted |
such a tiring week. the weekend's worse.
not that i think the homework's too much. in fact, compared to what i had the last 4 years, this can be considered as a walk on the clouds. its just a couple of readings and tys and writings a day. back then this was considered once in a blue moon.
but i end real late everyday. have no time to leisure read, practise. worse, no sleep. i get seven hours, tops. that's really.. little.
yesterday really tired me out. was intending to have a field day, going back and visiting them. my mom just had to make it such that i had a bad day. i told her ages in advance, and she chose the morning to give me a chewing out. not only did she put words in my mouth, she also said some really nasty stuff. i just wanted to see them for the 1st and probably last time before syf. i just wanted to make sure they were ok and having fun. i just wanted to see my juniors living for the moment i lived for in the past. she didn't have to tell me in such expicit and hurtful terms that i wasn't to. had she told me nicely, i would have gone for practice too.
couldn't help the tears when kh called to ask me if i was going. i scramed out of the house fast. when i met seokz and she asked me the same thing, the tears came hard and fast, for real. the crying sort of subsided when i reached school, but when rich saw me and asked why i didn't go... i don't know. i suppose i was feeling sensitive. wasn't in the right frame of mind for practice. stayed in the room for the whole of shan chun. was comforted.
when quanny asked me that too, i came dangerously close to breaking down again. i was really exhuasted. chose to go out with the xy peeps to pastamania, even though i was really not up to it, my body cells mass protesting, for a deep sleep. glad i went. they made me smile. i felt happy.
thankful for the way my body works. everytime i finish crying, i'll be so exhuasted i push away everything, and sleep. when i wake, i can't relive the emotions that made me upset pronto. my mind just blocks it from me. slowly, sure, but my mind doesn'y allow for me to get upset immediately again.
its not that i don't love ajco.. its just that i don't have the kind of affectionate memories i have of rv.
posted by sarangaia || 9:56 PM Saturday, April 09, 2005
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1 Comments:
hi dear... lijia here... =S it's ok arh.. parents are always like that.. my mum's always complaining about me going back for all my COs. Something in rvco will always pull us back, no matter how long we've left there... dunno what's the reason either~ but i suppose it's because of the rvco spirit ba~? take care and jiayoux for everything... be brave and walk on... there'll be happier times~
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