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life |
it's getting to me. the concert's gonna be here this time next week. and there are far too many sections of my pieces that i'm not very confident of for my liking. haven't really done my homework yet. but i'll start on it soon. after my rambling.
frustration is setting in. i remember the last time i felt this way was at the last concert. i didn't feel prepared enough. its a terrible feeling. it doesn't really help that the conductor gets pissed off every practice. i felt so damned pissed yeaterday. i just couldn't get my pieces right, and i couldn't concentrate. having another sitting directly across who at a glance looks like him didn't exactly boost my spirits. well, at least i ain't gonna see him anymore (both) after this. lethargy was getting to me and i felt pissed to the core. i want perfection from myself, be it for my piano, my gaohu/erhu or my lit. i cannot make do with sub-standard work or playing. NO NO NO. i wonder if i'll make it. what's worse is that i'm gonna miss one prac next week (combined with band somemore) and there are 7 days left. oh joy!
what really sent me into a fit was someboby's fooling around. if i had known earlier, i wouldn't have done all i did to help you make more friends. YES, I REGRET. call yourself a friend when all you do is to make me angry and sad. call yourself a friend when you can't even be there for me. call yourself a friend when you treat me like an extra piece of paper, using it only when you need it. call yourself a friend when you don't face up to all the problems in this friendship even when i've tried. you know what? i want out. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. if this is the way you want things to be, FINE. its not like i only have you as a friend. you think you're so miserable, so lonely so... WHATEVER. don't you know that everything sounds like its planned to evoke sympathy? don't you know that you have to face up to your problems? don't you know that only you can help yourself? GROW UP!!!!!! JUST GROW UP!!! the whole world thinks you're so cute, funny... wadeva. can't u display that side to me more often and not show me your gloomy, dark, depressed and mean side to me so often? yes, mean. maybe you don't realise.
so much for rambling. getting more and more pissed.
you better get your act together.
or if you get me really pissed, there's no telling what i'll do.
friend.. hah! do some homework on the art of making friends before you say you're my friend.
posted by sarangaia || 2:59 AM Sunday, May 15, 2005
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